To The People Who Just Cannot Fit In



Have you ever feel like no matter what you do, no matter how much you try to learn social skills, you just cannot gel with people?


Do you ever feel like you are just so different?


Do you ever feel like you just cannot get any friends no matter what you do?


I know that most people who read this would feel the answer would be "No" but there are some of you who said "Yes" to all the above, hence you clicked on this blog post! I am writing this blog post for you, the people who just cannot fit in.


It seems that most people can gel with people, that it is easy to get friends and socialize. They surely have at least one group of friends, whether it is friends from school, the university, or the workplace. Most people have friends everywhere. But you don't.


Sometimes you might think "there must be something wrong with me" and then you made some introspection, you try to find out what is it in your behavior or personality that doesn't make you attractive.





Then you learn how to make yourself better. Maybe make your speech slower, make yourself seem more fun, make yourself look cooler, approach people first.


Despite everything you tried, nothing works. Here you are, still alone.


Here's everything wrong with that :

  1. Introspection is good, but there is a fine line between introspecting and keep blaming yourself for everything. You are most probably being too harsh on yourself

  2. You tried to change yourself and be someone else.


The reason why you just cannot fit in is that you are different.


Some people are just different than society. How they think, how they talk, how they act, their perspective. You are probably one of them.


And let me tell you this: there is nothing wrong with being a person that is different than most people.





By changing yourself to be more likable, you are ditching your own self-worth and happiness because I can tell you that even when you do get friends by not being yourself, you might not be any happier anyway. Ok, maybe you got happy at first but later you might feel a sense of emptiness and a weird kind of happiness.


What you instead should be doing is accepting yourself. Know that you ARE different and there is nothing wrong with that.


You should also concentrate on getting yourself to be a better person. Maybe learn new skills, learn more things, concentrate on your job, produce better work, enjoy your hobby. Instead of concentrating on how to attract people that won't be attracted to you no matter what you do.


You are meant to be different. Therefore you have to embrace yourself. Embrace how different you are and embrace how proud you are for not confronting the false standard.


"But people should be like [insert some typical person's characteristic here]"


Says who?


Who defines those standards? Who has the right to defines what a human characteristic should be?

Even if that is your parents, parents mostly project what they THINK is the best, but not necessarily best for the child. That is why there are some people who killed themselves due to not feeling good enough due to their parents pressuring them so wrongly to the point they unknowingly killed their own child.


Let alone strangers that make you think you are not any good just because you are not equipped with many friends or any other common people's characteristics.





Just because you don't possess those common characteristics, that doesn't mean you are less good than anyone, remember that.


I can assure you that you will thrive if you believe in yourself more and embrace your uniqueness.


If you think there IS a higher being, believe in it.

If you think some movies are overrated, believe in it.

If you dislike cafe hopping, believe in it.

If you think Bonobo is a fascinating ape, believe in it.

If you think Instagram followers mean nothing, believe in it.

If you always listen to classical music, keep doing that.


Don't change your belief and opinion just because you want to get more friends and fit into society. That makes you (1) more unattractive, (2)have lower self-value, and (3)disrespectful to yourself.


Some people might try to break you, knowingly or unknowingly.

But as an adult, it is your responsibility to protect yourself. You can always ignore their saying, choose not to care for their opinion, and stick to being yourself.


Stop worrying about how you don't have friends and start embracing your difference.


I promise you're going to be surprised at how much happier and how much more successful you are by just being you.


And if there are people who are attracted to you while you being you, then that's a bonus.

There is really nothing wrong with you. You are just different and there is nothing wrong with that.

"But if I have no friends, I won't be successful because you need the connection to be successful."


That is partially true. Therefore, it is still false.


It is true that many people get successful because of the connection they have.

But there are really many who get successful because of their own hard work and intelligence.


I also know a lot of people who got successful due to connection and they indeed got successful but at the same time much more pressured than people who got successful with their own hard work.


Sorry, but I can't tell you any stories because that is their own story and secret.


You can still be successful even if you don't have any friends.

There are literally millions of ways you can be successful.

There are so many websites that can help share the word out for your business, there are many websites that can help you get into the company you love. You don't need a connection.


Furthermore, if you need friends so you can be successful, then your motive to build a friendship is questionable. You do not really make friends because you want to connect with people, you just want to do that for your own benefit. I wouldn't call that a good thing to do. I don't like being used, you don't like being used, nobody likes being used. Stop building friendships with this motive.


I understand that working or studying in a place you don't have friends is sad.

But I am here not to tell you to be anti-social. I am telling you to be yourself.

So you should still be friendly to people.


If you happen to work in an environment where they would bully you just because you are different, please find another place to work ASAP because you really don't deserve being treated this way.


In summary, realize that you are different and embrace that. The world is boring to have all people the same characteristic and we really need you to be who you are.



-Leni



Leni Tjahjadi

UX Design, Copywriting, UX Writing, Marketing Visual, and Branding

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